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  #61  
Old 20th October 2016
tinminnnn tinminnnn is offline
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Originally Posted by Pondatti_Dasan View Post
Wo you are an atheist and talk about religion every word. This is hypocrisy. I dont need you to judge me. And I can say again trust and loyalty is not a fucking religious thing. Its human thing
You used marriage term and marriage is religious term that's why I mentioned religion .

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  #62  
Old 20th October 2016
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Originally Posted by nandhini_purushan View Post
Man someone is asking for genuine help from this forum. Why do we need to abuse him. I have seen fake people here but this guy doesnt seem like one. We can suggest something or leave it. Dont need to give him more tension
Thanks man. All faith in humanity not lost
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  #63  
Old 20th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Originally Posted by tinminnnn View Post
You used marriage term and marriage is religious term that's why I mentioned religion .
But didnt you think abusing me was unneceassry. Why are you venting you misplaced anger on me. This is my real issue I swear. You were not forced to help. Why did you have to use language and abuse unnecasarily. If you dont want no one forced you to help me

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  #64  
Old 20th October 2016
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It's your life, in my perspective you should take a decision on own. Do what your heart says right for your future. I wish what your heard and seen is not true and wishes to continue with your happy life with your wife.

-- Priya

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  #65  
Old 20th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Priyarna View Post
It's your life, in my perspective you should take a decision on own. Do what your heart says right for your future. I wish what your heard and seen is not true and wishes to continue with your happy life with your wife.

-- Priya
Thanks. Will try to make up my mind and confront her soon with some proof

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  #66  
Old 20th October 2016
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Originally Posted by Pondatti_Dasan View Post
Hi Friends,

I am a new member in this forum. I have been browsing this forum for many years but didnt find the need to create an account. Now I need help and suggestion from members here as I dont know who I could ask these doubts.

Now coming to my problem, I am 31 years old and my wife is 29 (She is very good looking and sexy too). We have been married for 5 years. We are having a happy life till a few months ago. Now my main problem is I think my wife is cheating on me. Please dont think that I am a suspecting husband always keeping eye on wife. I love her a lot and will love her no matter what but with this doubt in mind I cannot do anything. It keeps pestering me. We always have a god sex life too. Nothing super human or kinky stuff like in porn but a perfectly normal sex life where both me and my wife attain orgasm. We dont even have any emotional problems between us and I dont know what is the reason for her to cheat me. Let me tell the reasons why I think she is having sex with someone else.

1) For the past few months she has been avoiding having sex with me. This has never happened in 5 years of our marriage and I even spoke to her about it but she says everything is OK. She doesnt have any health problems it just looks like she has no interest in sex with me.

2) She has started to talk about sex with others like a fantasy in rare occasion that we have sex ( Nowadays only 2-3 times a month). I know its not just a fantasy because we have been browsing Xossip from the time we got married( When site was Exbii) She hated threesome or cheating thread and videos. Trust me I know she had zero interest in that but now she talks sex with others when I fuck her. Later she says just a fantasy.

3) Two of my neighbours said about a guy who visits my home almost daily. I am not a kind of guy who trust what neighbours say and I think spying on wife is a disgusting thing but I cant just ignore what others say right? That too neighbours are old couple and not gossip type and they didnt even complain they just asked if any of my relative lives with us because a guys comes home everyday.

4) After all these things I count not control my suspicion and checked security entry logs to my home in appartment office. To my complete shock almost everyday there has been an entry to my house and exit is only after 3 hours. But there is no entry in weekends only. And to even increase my heartbreak there have been three different guys who have been visiting my house regularly. I cant even imagine my wife like that but I cant deny this proof also.

5) And lastly, once I found a used condom in the sun-shade near our terrace. As it is an appartment it can be someone else also. But with all other things I dont know what to think.

I need suggestion from you guys help me with the way forward. Is my suspicion true or is there some other explaination. I still love my wife and want it all to be false but I dont know. Help me people. Sorry for this long post but I have nowhere else to go with this problem.

P.S: I have been using this site and have had wife swap fantasy and everything. But thinking it is happening really is something else and believe me its not at all a good feeling.
I never bother about point number 1, 2 & 3. But point number 4 & 5 says that ur wife is enjoying her life. She is not cheating u, she was enjoying a life what she wants. Better u join hands with ur wife, took her to some where, a restaurant, a movie, park etc. Speek too her frankly, ask her about her sexual expectations and wishes. Satisfy her wishes. Live happily.

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  #67  
Old 20th October 2016
breville1 breville1 is offline
 
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Pondatti Dasan,

One way or the other, you will need to talk to her. The longer you wait the more it will affect you and your relationship.

Understand that we all have a weakness to stray from our marriage....e.g. think of how many men on business trips have visited prostitutes or have affairs with colleagues and similarly women too have opportunities to meet male prostitutes or take up with their colleagues, etc. Both need to work at a marriage to prevent this.

When you know that your partner has gone astray, you have to think through the whole scenario of marriage, children, family, society, earnings and lifestyle and earnings potential. So just knowing that he/she has gone astray doesn't have to end it all. We all make mistakes and have to learn from it.....make the same mistake (like this one) again and you would be right to take drastic action. Having said that, it is clear to me that you are thinking along these lines and still love your wife and are looking to get her back and save your marriage.

Think of it as a two step process - enquire as a caring husband and if no change then bring out the evidence. By talking to her about your concern that she is very distant now and asking if you can help will alert her to the fact that you know something isn't right, something may be going on. When you've been together for 5 years, you pretty much know when your partner is not /his/her normal self. And this is a prime example. She will know immediately that you suspect something and she has to do something. This way she takes care of it without all the sordid details coming out, without all the accusations, the shouting.

Some people, when faced with irrefutable evidence, knowing that they have been caught red handed, knowing that a lot of people will get to know it, can go crazy, get violent, commit suicide, etc. Imagine, how will she ever be able to face you and family, friends, etc. again. By subtly enquiring into her change of attitude (as any loving partner would do), she will know that you know something and will try to put it behind by herself (she will save face). That is why I am saying that you should not wait to gather evidence. However, you can continue to gather evidence - which might or might not take a while - in case there is no change from her.

1. If she is not doing anything wrong, she will discuss normally and the two of you can figure out what to do. Over a little time, you will learn whether things are changing or not. If not then use voice recorders, camera, phone software, etc. to find out if she is cleverly hiding something. Don't discount the fact that she might initially stop, lie low and when you think everything is fine, start again.

2. If she is just meeting her fantasy internet boyfriends, it will stop but you will have to be vigilant that she doesn't succumb to her desires again, i.e. either stop completely or figure out how to satisfy the fantasies for both your mutual benefit.

3.If she is into some serious love affair, it will be very difficult for you. If your heart is not in the relationship, it will be very difficult to continue the marriage. Some women will continue in a marriage because of family honor, income support, children, and they may or may not stop their affair. You will have to make a decision.

4. If she is being blackmailed, it is better to come clean with you as you have an interest in her love and staying married and will do your utmost to bring it to an end.

Make no mistake, if she's done something wrong, one day or another, it will bite her back in some way.

I am very sad for you and hope you have the courage to show your love despite everything.

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  #68  
Old 20th October 2016
The Skeletor The Skeletor is offline
 
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The one and only tip:

Find out first if you are paying enough attention to her needs, both physical and mental. You will have your answer.

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  #69  
Old 20th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaatupandi View Post
I never bother about point number 1, 2 & 3. But point number 4 & 5 says that ur wife is enjoying her life. She is not cheating u, she was enjoying a life what she wants. Better u join hands with ur wife, took her to some where, a restaurant, a movie, park etc. Speek too her frankly, ask her about her sexual expectations and wishes. Satisfy her wishes. Live happily.
Bro after I started having this suspicion I spoke to her lot of times and I even took her to trips. I spoke to her about sexual expectation. But she says everything is normal and shows no interest to have sex. That is the problem

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  #70  
Old 20th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by breville1 View Post
Pondatti Dasan,

One way or the other, you will need to talk to her. The longer you wait the more it will affect you and your relationship.

Understand that we all have a weakness to stray from our marriage....e.g. think of how many men on business trips have visited prostitutes or have affairs with colleagues and similarly women too have opportunities to meet male prostitutes or take up with their colleagues, etc. Both need to work at a marriage to prevent this.

When you know that your partner has gone astray, you have to think through the whole scenario of marriage, children, family, society, earnings and lifestyle and earnings potential. So just knowing that he/she has gone astray doesn't have to end it all. We all make mistakes and have to learn from it.....make the same mistake (like this one) again and you would be right to take drastic action. Having said that, it is clear to me that you are thinking along these lines and still love your wife and are looking to get her back and save your marriage.

Think of it as a two step process - enquire as a caring husband and if no change then bring out the evidence. By talking to her about your concern that she is very distant now and asking if you can help will alert her to the fact that you know something isn't right, something may be going on. When you've been together for 5 years, you pretty much know when your partner is not /his/her normal self. And this is a prime example. She will know immediately that you suspect something and she has to do something. This way she takes care of it without all the sordid details coming out, without all the accusations, the shouting.

Some people, when faced with irrefutable evidence, knowing that they have been caught red handed, knowing that a lot of people will get to know it, can go crazy, get violent, commit suicide, etc. Imagine, how will she ever be able to face you and family, friends, etc. again. By subtly enquiring into her change of attitude (as any loving partner would do), she will know that you know something and will try to put it behind by herself (she will save face). That is why I am saying that you should not wait to gather evidence. However, you can continue to gather evidence - which might or might not take a while - in case there is no change from her.

1. If she is not doing anything wrong, she will discuss normally and the two of you can figure out what to do. Over a little time, you will learn whether things are changing or not. If not then use voice recorders, camera, phone software, etc. to find out if she is cleverly hiding something. Don't discount the fact that she might initially stop, lie low and when you think everything is fine, start again.

2. If she is just meeting her fantasy internet boyfriends, it will stop but you will have to be vigilant that she doesn't succumb to her desires again, i.e. either stop completely or figure out how to satisfy the fantasies for both your mutual benefit.

3.If she is into some serious love affair, it will be very difficult for you. If your heart is not in the relationship, it will be very difficult to continue the marriage. Some women will continue in a marriage because of family honor, income support, children, and they may or may not stop their affair. You will have to make a decision.

4. If she is being blackmailed, it is better to come clean with you as you have an interest in her love and staying married and will do your utmost to bring it to an end.

Make no mistake, if she's done something wrong, one day or another, it will bite her back in some way.

I am very sad for you and hope you have the courage to show your love despite everything.
Thanks a lot bro. I have decided to ask her softly in a friendly manner today. Lets see how it goes

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