Soni was on top of a mango tree. He was shouting joyfully from there. I requested him to come down. But he did not want to come down. I found Ram was coming our way and I breathed peace. I told Ram, ‘look, Soni is up on the tree. I’m requesting him to come down but he’s not hearing me.’
Ram also called him but he was not hearing any of us. Tony was jumping like a monkey. He was enjoying our harassment. Then Ram started to get up in the tree. I called him, ‘Ram, be careful. He is too devil.’
Ram went up the tree. I was standing down looking at Ram. Ram got near to Soni and took him down carefully. As both of them got down I gathered everyone and took them to the house. Mother, mama and mami all were in. They were chatting in mother’s bedroom. I went to my room with the two devils following me.
I thought to skip my study today because of these two boys. Instead we chatted. In the night after completing our dinner I came to my room. My father came in and said, ‘Soma, Soni and Tony will sleep with you. Because the other room will be filled up with us. I think you’ll not have any problem.’
Thought I did not like the idea of sleeping with those two boys but could not tell so. I nodded my head in support of my father. I prepared myself for the bed. Generally I wore my top only and without knickers. With knickers I felt some tightness around my waist so I got habituated to sleep without it. This day would be different like the others due to those boys.
The two boys came in. I told them, ‘see, if you want to sleep with me I prefer no one should make any noise. Otherwise I’ll drive you out.’ I told this to them with an angry tone.
This instantly worked on them. They immediately stopped shouting and talking. They silently got up on the bed and lay down. I asked them, ‘have you gone to bathroom?’
They nodded their heads. I bolted the room door, then shut down the light and got up on the bed. I took my place on one side while the two were sleeping side by side. I was trying to sleep when I heard them whispering. I thought they would not stop unless I parted them. So I got up and told Tony, ‘you move there and Soni you there. If you sleep together you’ll go on talking and I can’t sleep.’
They moved on both side and I took the place in between them. I asked them, ‘no more talk now. Let us sleep.’
Some few seconds had gone, Soni asked, ‘Didi, one last question. Can you swim?’
Frankly although we had pond and I took regular bath in the pond but I did not learn to swim. I never tried also because it did not come in my mind. I answered, ‘no, sorry, I don’t know swimming.’
Soni went silent. I heard their regular breathings. Sleep was slowly drifting in and I did not know when I succumbed to sleep.
I opened my eyes to see the daylight. I drew down my tape which was bunched at my waist to cover me. I got up I looked at those boys who were still sleeping. From their faces they looked so innocents but actually they were the devils.
I completed my morning chores in a hurry. This was not because that I would be late for the school but because of those two boys. If they woke up and found me then they would certainly stopped me from going to school which I did not want. I finished my bath of course in the pond and came back to my room. The boys were still sleeping. I pulled on my panty and put on my bra. Then I put on my school uniform. I called Ram to give me the breakfast. I soon was off to school.
When I came back from the school I found mama’s gang was no more there. They had gone away. I was pleased that I could not have more problems with the boys.
Slowly I was grown up to 17 years. By this time I had known all the terms related to men and women genitals. The good names, the fouling names. I knew all. One evening Ram came to me and said, ‘Somadi, from today I’ll sleep in your room.’
I asked him, ‘why so?’
Ram said, ‘father told me. He’ll also tell you. He had brought some furniture and all are kept in the room where I sleep.’
I was although pleased but somehow showed my concern that my privacy would be invaded. But again Ram was my only companion and I could accommodate him in my room. I said to him, ‘well, it’ll be great to have you in my room.’
That night father came to me and told me what Ram had already told me. He asked, ‘will you’ve any problem, my dear?’
I said, ‘no. It’s all right.’
He caressed my head and asked me about my studies. I answered him that everything was well. I was a bright student and in each exam I stood the rank. So they were not so worried with my studies.
In the night Ram came to sleep in my room. I was still studying. He spread his blanket over the floor and over it the cover. He asked me, ‘didi, how long you’ll study?’
I told him, ‘you go to sleep. I’ll study for some more time.’
He made a face and told me, ‘you’ll study and I’ll sleep, that can’t be.’
He came near me and sat near my feet. He picked up one book with pictures and went through the pages.
I saw him and laughed. After some more times, I finished my study and closed the books. I went out to urinate and came back after some time. He was still waiting for me. I went up my bed and he closed the door, put off the light. In the dark I could feel that he lay down on the mat over the floor. I felt bad that I was sleeping on the cot and he was sleeping on the floor. I said to him, ‘good night Ram.’
He answered in the dark, ‘what’s this, didi.’
I laughed and said, ‘this is formal address. One must say to other. I’ll teach you later.’
We slept the night.
My intermediate exam was nearing. I was studying more than normal hours. I always pleaded Ram to go to sleep and that he should not sit here without doing anything. But he always told, ‘if I sleep then you’ll also feel sleeping. Your study will be disturbed. You’ve to make a good result.’
I laughed and ruffled his hairs. He again buried his face in the book to see the pictures. While reading I felt that sleep was getting the best of me. So I withdrew myself and told Ram, ‘Ram, I’m going to sleep. I’m having headache. So it’s better to stop now.’
Ram also supported me. He said, ‘it’s a great idea. Don’t stress yourself much. You go and finish your chore.’
I went outside and came back some time later. I stretched me on the bed. Ahh, it was better. I rubbed my forehead. Ram saw that. He asked me, ‘shall I press your head. You’ll feel better.’
I said, ‘no Ram. You’ve to wake up early. You better go to sleep.’
Ram came towards me. He said, ‘don’t worry about it. I can manage. But you’ve to make good result. Now give me your forehead.’
He rubbed my forehead slowly. I felt pain had developed in my whole body. This was due to the prolong sitting on the chair and continuing study.
I closed my eyes and felt his fingers rubbing my forehead. He was doing so many things in the house still his fingers were soft. I felt good. Then he took my arm in his hand and from the palm he started giving me slow massage. He took care specially at my upper arm. I thought he knew where the pain could grow. He was massaging in such a nice way soon I felt the eyelids heavy and soon sleep engulfed me.
For whom am I sacrificing
all the love of my life?
will she be with me forever?
I know that the answer is "NO",
Deep in my heart
I long for her
With all her weakness,
I love her
but this world
won't understand my love.
even she won't understand
the depth of my love.
who couldn't express their love.
my dreams will remain,
just as dreams. ...................
My exam was over and as usual I appeared the exam with lot of confidence. Robin had left for his own house and for the college. Again I was left with Ram only. So long Robin was there I could understand the meaning of life. Now it again went to a dull life except the moments I was with Ram.
I had ample of time to spend with me as the school was closed. I spent my time with lot of readings of any kind of books to gather knowledge. Ram sometime came to me to sit beside me and I taught him some English words. This way my time was spending away.
My result was out and as usual I did well in the exam. I stood 10th in Kolkata division. My father was too happy to see my result. He threw a party with the neighbours. In the party all the parents were appreciating me for doing such result. I was so pleased to see my father’s face. He was beaming with joy. He was proud father of successful girl.
The next day my father took the whole day without going to his work for searching a good college for me. He had found one and got me admitted in the college. It was a good college, having a good academic reputation. But the problem was the college was far away from our home. If I had to go to college daily from my house I had to start the day at 5.00 in the morning and after finishing the college I would be returning to home at 8.00 at night. My father did not want that. It would be too hard for me to face such strenuous duty.
One day before my college day would start he came to me and said, ‘Soma, I had found a house near your college. But you’ve to stay there alone. It’ll be better to stay there instead of doing up and down daily from the house. We’ll go and see the house tomorrow.’
The next day I accompanied father in a taxi. That was my very first day so to remember that I was going out with my father. I was visiting Kolkata for the first time. I was looking all around with a big surprise in my face. The people were moving around. The buses were running. The taxis were running. The jam. The signal. Everything was new to me. I was scared to think how could I survive in this big town. But I did not say anything to my father. We came to the house and saw it. The owner was there. He was a good-looking middle-aged man. He looked at me and said to my father, ‘do you think she can stay alone here?’
My father told him, ‘why not? What do you think, sir? She’s a smart girl and she is 20 years old now.’
The man looked at me and touched my chin, ‘why beti, what do you think? Can you stay here alone?’
I momentarily thought that I could not stay but I did not know why I said, ‘yes, I can stay.’
My father told, ‘see, I told you. But she’s not staying alone here.’
Now it was my turn to be surprised. Who was going to come with me? I heard my father telling the man, ‘I’ve a boy who works at our house. He is a good friend of my girl. His name is Ram and he’s going to stay with her. He will take care of her.’
I beamed with joy. So Ram and I were going to stay here. I would not have any problem in that case. I thanked my father in my mind.
One day we shifted in my new house. Father had already made arrangement of our beds, cooking utensils and other necessary items. He drove us to the new house. When we entered into the room I found that the room was decorated nicely. In the main bedroom the bed was big with an almirah and wall cupboard. In the small room which could be termed as a store room a cot was accommodated. I understood this was for Ram. In the kitchen the utensils were neatly kept.
After giving me money he told, ‘keep this in your almirah under lock. I know Ram is an honest boy but you’re now outside, so my advice is don’t believe any one apart from you. I’ll come every Saturday to see you if you need anything. Buy your personal belonging as you wish.’
Saying this he went away and we were left alone. I cried for a long that day. First time I was staying without my father. I did not grow any relationship with my stepmother but my father was my only personal belonging. Ram was consoling me. That evening we two went out. The market was nearby. We purchased what we need and came back. I withdrew myself on my bed and Ram got busy preparing dinner.
We finished the dinner. Since we prepared it we enjoyed the food very much. Ram was full of joy. He told, ‘didi, you must not worry. When I’m here I’ll take care of everything.’
I did not what did he mean by ‘take care of everything’ but I liked his sincerity.
We slept the first night peacefully with me in one room and Ram in the other.
Next day I finished my bath while Ram cooked for me. After taking the food I went off for my college. The other day father had shown me the route to be followed from my house and I did not have any trouble to reach my college.
The first day went off smoothly. The teacher introduced us to each other. The teacher was a sweat lady. Being the first day we were not scared. I was seated by the side of a girl whom later I found to be married. We were introduced. Her name was Sunita. She was very beautiful and cute looking. We became friend soon.
I did not have the problem of making friends here. One day in the off period I asked Sunita, ‘how come you’re married?’
Sunita shook her head and said, ‘I don’t have the intention but my parent forced me to marry.’
I was astonished to hear that. How could the parent force a girl to marry without her will? I asked her, ‘how is your husband?’
She said, ‘he is all right.’
I asked her, ‘do you know him prior to your marriage?’
She said, ‘we’re in love.’
Now thing was cleared in my mind. She loved him. I was unknowingly holding her parent responsible. I did not stretch the topic more. We used to talk about her married life. She was now staying with her husband. He was working in a reputed firm and they stayed alone in a flat. She also invited me to go to her flat. From then she became my teacher about sex. I came to know almost everything from her which I did not know then.
I told everything to Ram what happened in my college except the teaching of Sunita about sex. At least he was more than a friend to me. Sometime he advised me well and I appreciated his thinking.
One day Sunita took me forcefully to her flat. She told me, ‘Partho will not come home for lunch. He has a meeting in his office. He’ll come late in the evening. So we can have time to chat. So let’s go to my flat.’
I protested her, ‘but I’ve to tell the home that I won’t be coming.’
She looked surprised. She said, ‘but you told me that you stay alone?’
I said, ‘yes, I told you. But I stay with a boy who was working with us at our house. For the safety father put him here to look after me.’
She told, ‘then let’s go to your house. We’ll come back to our house. Okay?’
I said, ‘that’ll be better.’
Both of us came to my room. I found Ram was dusting the rooms. He looked at me and then at Sunita. He was surprised to see her here. Before he could say anything, I told him, ‘Ram, this is Sunita, my friend.’
Ram wished her and said, ‘hello, didi.’
I told him, ‘I’m going to her home. You take your lunch and sleep. I’ll come back in the evening. Okay?’
He did not like being my away from him but he said, ‘okay. But take care when you return home.’
We came out from the room. On our way to her flat, Sunita said, ‘you’ve got a nice boy. How do you manage him?’
I said, ‘I didn’t manage him. My father brought him when he was 6 years. From then he is with us rather with me. In my childhood I was totally alone. He has given me the company all time. By that sense he is my great friend.’
She winked at me and told, ‘great friend. Nice.’
I said, ‘do you mean to say something?’
She looked at me in such a way it seemed she had not heard me. She asked, ‘with such a figure you’re staying with him all alone. Did not he try anything?’
I did not understand. I asked, ‘what do you mean?’
She said, ‘he never tried to grope you? He had never touched you?’
I said, ‘no of course not.’
She was asking, ‘you’ve never seen his…I mean…his…that thing?’
I looked irritated. I told her, ‘what’s the meaningless thing you’re talking?’
She laughed aloud and then said, ‘had I been in your place I would have enjoy sex like anything with him.’
I looked angry. I said, ‘you can but I don’t.’
We reached her house. She unlocked the door and went inside. She closed the door and locked it again from inside. It was a 2BHK flat. She took me inside her bedroom. She said, ‘this is our bedroom.’
I looked around. The room was tidy with a double bed in the middle of the room. Two big mirrors were fixed on both side of the bed. An almirah, music system etc. I looked at those mirrors and asked her, ‘why these two mirrors on both sides.’
She once again winked and said, ‘when we’ve sex then we watch us in the mirrors to see our reflection in them.’
I tried to digest the fact but could not. So I asked, ‘why? What’s the fun in it?’
She smiled and said, ‘there’s the fun. When you see your hubby’s cock is vanishing in your cunt and you’re moaning then you can generate more sex drive in your body. You’ll be wild. Just imagine your hubby is licking your pussy and you’re seeing yourself in the mirror that his tongue is lapping your pussy all around, chewing your clit, you’ll just go mad.’
I was surprised to hear that pussy could be licked but I was confused how. She never told me about this. I asked her, ‘so your hubby licks you there?’
She said as a matter of fact, ‘yes of course. Don’t you know if anyone licks you there you’ll just go crazy. You can’t imagine how much sexual pleasure you’ll get from licking. Sometime you like it more than fucking, you know.’
She pulled me towards the dining room to take foods. I said, ‘but frankly speaking I don’t know that pussy can be licked.’
Seeing my expression she said, ‘oh shit you don’t know that pussy can be licked? Okay let’s get off our dress and have our foods then I’ll show you one thing.’
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