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  #341  
Old 22nd March 2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ishikaaa View Post
बरगद का पेड़ By CD sir


waahhh Sir kya likhte ho aap … kabhi socha hi nahi tha ki aaj ke time me xp par aisi kahani padhne ko milegi … shabd chayan lajawaab hai aapka



plot bahut pyaara tha jise badi hi kushlta se aapne develop kiya … flow aur narration ka to koi jawaab hi Nahi …


bargad ke ped ki Feelings ko , uski soch ko kitni khoobi se sawaara hai aapne … yun hi nahi kaha jata hai ki ped paudhon me bhi jaan hoti hai… aapki kahani padh kar apne gaaw ka boodha bargad yaad aa gaya jiske neechhe ham sabhi ki tapti dophri sheetal ho jati thi …




Sirf kishan aur champa hi nahi apni muhobbat ko ji rahe balki 400 saal ka bargad jise wo dono dada kahte the wo bhi unn dono ke sath jee raha tha … bht hi khoobsurat varnan kiya h har ek pal ka aapne… dono ki judayi me bhi roye khade ho gaye the …



ant to aur bhi shandar … maine socha hi nahi tha ki story ki happy ending ki jaa sakti h samaj ka ek behad ghinauna Roop " jatiwaad " Ko kitni khoobi se chitrit kiya aapne … jara si chook se jane kitni jindgiya tabaah ho jati hain…



bhasha par aapki pakad aisi h ki vsc ki koi bhi story nahi kar sakti mukabla end To bht bht hi cute tha jab wo chhoti ladki aur 5 saal ka ladka same kishan aur champa ki tarah nok jhok karte hain


All the best for contest sir
Kahani ko padne aur itna pyara sa review dene ke liye aapka dhanyawad....
Ji ha wo bargad gaw aur bachpan ki yad dilata hai,aur aaj bhi main apne gaw ke talab me jab bhi jata hu to mujhe wo yad aa jata hai, badkismati se ab wo bargad nahi raha logo ne jane kis liye use kaat diya ,ye kahani usko hi yad karke likhi thi...
Bhawnao ko samjhne ke liye dhanyawad,aur itani tarif ke liye bhi sukriya

  #342  
Old 22nd March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ishikaaa View Post
Nafrat By Nimmi sir ji


Aahhaaaa see the magic … ise kahte hain kahani thank you so much sir itni khoobsurat kahani ke jariye kuchh kadwi sachaiyon se rubru karane ke liye


Aap ke shabd chayan , aapki narration , story line , flow super se thoda upar hain isse jyada mujhe kuchh nahi aata … yahan tak ki aap ne kahani ki kadiyon ko kitni bareeki se jod kar rakha hai… aur kahani ant shayad ek baar phir kahani ki shuruaat tak le gaya …
( jaisa ki maine mahsoos kiya )
kitna kuchh likh diya aapne wo bhi tay shabd seema me



kahani me jindgi ke meethe , kadwe , jhoothe , sachche kitne sare pahlu dikha diye aapne … saumitra ki dosti jiska koi mukabla hi nahi hai … manjri jaisi awsarwadi
( Opportunist ) aur practical ladkiya bhi hoti hain iss duniya me … maa ki mamta aur unke dwara di jaane wali ghani chhaw ko padh kar sach me aankhein bheeg gayi … mai apni mamma aur super mamma (dadi) ko thanks bhi bol kar aayi … aap se pahle maine CA ki story ke dauraan mamma ko thanks bola tha




shayad jaane anjaane ye bhool sabhi se ho jati hai … maa ki aankh me aansu dekha jaaye to ye kisi paap se kam nahi hota hai …




kaash har koi samhal jasye






jee to kar raha hai sari kahani hi quote kar doon par shayad aap gussa ho jao isliye inn teeno ko hi quote kiya … meri fvrt hain ye sari … waise manjhri kitni badi chudail thi jo apne bf ko ye sab boli … kitna badlne ki koshish kiya om magar usne papa ki new car ka accident hua tha isliye shadi se mana kiya mil jaye to muh tod doon…







Ant behad pyara likha aapne … sari kahani ko ant me apne ek sutra me piro diya …Maine aaj ke din ki best story padhi
Kahani aap ko acchi lagi, tahe dil se shukriya aapka. aur quote kar dete poori kahani, main bura kyun maanta bhala. Review accha ho ya bura. Dene wale saare apne hain yahan. Jo pyaar se mile wo theek, nafrat se wo seekh

You are very kind and intelligent
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Last edited by Namikaze Minato : 22nd March 2018 at 10:49 AM.

  #343  
Old 22nd March 2018
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Anangapal Anangapal is offline
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Re: Review of 'Finding Banalata'

First and foremost, I thank Bad Joker and Trambak for going to such trouble as reading the story and then providing the writer with critical feedback in kind, sugar-quoted words.

You guys have showered me with superfluous praises that I really am not worthy of. This was my first attempt at writing a story, or for that matter anything fictional in English and as expected, the outcome was nowhere near the highest level. But I appreciate how the mistakes, the oversights were apparently overlooked so as not to hurt the writer's feelings.

However I feel this is prudent on my part to tell you that the story remained unfinished. As Minato requested personally, the writer's ego living within me agreed to take up the challenge but real life hazards came in the way and... deadline, thou truly art a bitch!

So I had to summarize almost half of the story within one paragraph and submit at the last moment. But don't take it as any excuse. Once the contest is over and it becomes legitimate, I will post the full version in story section. Your comments and sharp evaluative analysis will be more than welcome there.

Hopefully some questions regarding 'minimal plot' or 'ultra-short story' have been answered. The writer is particularly glad that both of you quoted the poet's immortal lines in the context. The name itself ignites such unquenchable flames in our mind...

Bad Joker, I wanted to return you the favour but moral compunction dictated any review of a fellow contestant's (competing) story should wait till the declaration of results, so... you have to forgive me for that.

Oh and Trambak, we should have a detailed discussion over the questionable choices of words/phrases you picked out so mischievously...

All the best to everyone!


P.S. Deep down inside I knew those red-lettered words in the siggy would come back to bite me one day... and it arrived sooner than I thought!
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"আশঙ্কাটা সাহিত্যের অশ্লীল হয়ে ওঠা নিয়ে নয়, অশ্লীলতার সাহিত্য সাজবার চাতুরি ও স্পর্ধা দেখে।" - প্রেমেন্দ্র মিত্র

I avoid bad writing... and those who encourage it.

Last edited by Anangapal : 23rd March 2018 at 07:31 PM. Reason: I won't say, Trambak will make fun of it...

  #344  
Old 23rd March 2018
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Shayad yahi to pyar hai by Ishikaaa
story ishika.... pehli najar k pyar ko bahut ache se dikhaya hai tumne... Gaurav jo pyar mein vishwas hi nahi rakhta tha, nandini ko pehli baar dekhte hi uska deewana ho gaya.. jo sabko bolta tha ki pyar useless aur bakwas hota hai, wo kHud nandini ko pyar ka matlab samjhane laga... yahi to hai pyar.. ek mitha sa ehsaas jo insaan ko ek pal mein badal kar rakh deta hai... pyar jisme koi insaan aapke liye aapki saanson se bhi jyada kimti ho jaata hai... pyar jisme insaan khud ko aur saari duniya ko bhool jata hai, aur yaad rehta hai to bas wo insaan jise wo pyar karta hai.. pyar ne gaurav aur nandini ko samjha diya ki unki soch galat thi.. gaurav aur nandini ek dusre ka pyar to na paa sake, par unhe ehsaas ho gaya ki pyar se sunder iss jahaan mein aur kuch nahi.... bahut hi achi story likhi hai ishika....
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  #345  
Old 23rd March 2018
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ishikaaa ishikaaa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadheart786 View Post
Shayad yahi to pyar hai by Ishikaaa
story ishika.... pehli najar k pyar ko bahut ache se dikhaya hai tumne... Gaurav jo pyar mein vishwas hi nahi rakhta tha, nandini ko pehli baar dekhte hi uska deewana ho gaya.. jo sabko bolta tha ki pyar useless aur bakwas hota hai, wo kHud nandini ko pyar ka matlab samjhane laga... yahi to hai pyar.. ek mitha sa ehsaas jo insaan ko ek pal mein badal kar rakh deta hai... pyar jisme koi insaan aapke liye aapki saanson se bhi jyada kimti ho jaata hai... pyar jisme insaan khud ko aur saari duniya ko bhool jata hai, aur yaad rehta hai to bas wo insaan jise wo pyar karta hai.. pyar ne gaurav aur nandini ko samjha diya ki unki soch galat thi.. gaurav aur nandini ek dusre ka pyar to na paa sake, par unhe ehsaas ho gaya ki pyar se sunder iss jahaan mein aur kuch nahi.... bahut hi achi story likhi hai ishika....
Thanks Dh itne sundar review ke liye … ishq ki fitrat hi aisi hoti hai ki sabhi ko apne rang me rang leta hai … yahi gaurav aur nandini ke sath hua … mujhe bht bht khushi hai ki apko kahani pasand aayi
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  #346  
Old 24th March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Review: Rekha and Manish
A very common mistake which most of us do. "We act rather than communicating."
It starts with happiness, then preparation to keep it and ends with disappointment.

Self honesty can keep us happy forever but this act ruins everything.

Rekha was judging Manish and Manish was doing the same. Second problem was perception about each other. It kills a beautiful relationship.

Lastly they found peace just by embracing each other.
Look all we need is faith to feel the love. Reverence dies but faith remains forever.

Definitely a good read but it took me a while to dissect the layers.

Thanks for writing and sharing this beautiful story
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  #347  
Old 24th March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Review:The Valentine Lovers

This story is like a novel. Flow is so smooth. Definitely a good read.
Even though this plot is obvious but one can't leave this story in middle

Best regards
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  #348  
Old 24th March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Review: Anish/Anisha
You should re-write this story. I am sure that when you will read your story again you will feel the same.

Could have been better but I really appreciate your effort

Best regards
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  #349  
Old 24th March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Review: A story of love

Amazing story with classic narration. I saw that era with my eyes You took me there and I observed everything as if I am Uma Shankar.

Love is the only thing which can suppress hatred. It has multiple ways to reach you.

Thanks for sharing such an elegant story

Lots of love
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  #350  
Old 24th March 2018
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Namikaze Minato Namikaze Minato is offline
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Review: First True Love
Start writing novels bro. You made me glued to this story as well.
I loved the narration, plot and the flow. Amazing story.

Would love to read more from you

All the best
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