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  #31  
Old 15th January 2016
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  #32  
Old 15th January 2016
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  #33  
Old 15th January 2016
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Att aa pura att. Koi javab ni.
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Kavita ji word thore jae mote likho. Te pahre banao. Read kran ch problem ondi pai aa. J story mari hundi ta chalda. But ani sohni story brother sister di ta main ni chohda read kran ch koi problem ave.
THĶ
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Old 15th January 2016
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  #37  
Old 15th January 2016
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  #38  
Old 15th January 2016
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Bahut hi vadiya story likh rahe ho

Har ek word te sentence pro pro ke likheya hoya hai. Par gr presentation thodi hor vadiya banao.
Har pehre te line break jarur deya karo (2 vaar enter). Te dialouge di bad vi. Te dialouges layi commas da use karo

For example :

"fer bhabhi rat nu cake katea" seerat kamal nu cherdi boli.

"han katea b tey khada b" kamal b usdi sharart nu samjdi boli.

"kinhey kinehy khada" seerat usnu hor cherdi boli.

"dona ne" kamal has payi tey us wal vekhdi boli "chal hun jaldi cha pi k tyar ho college nai jana"

"o jana bhabhi" seerat jaldi jaldi cha peen lag payi.

"chal fer tyar ho k thaley aa ja mein breakfast tyar kardi haan" bhabhi boli.

"ayi bhabhi" seerat usnu khali cup farandi boli.

"bhabhi meri jafi kithey hai"
oh kamal us wal vekh k hasdi boli tey fer dona nanan bharjai ne ek dujey nu ghut k jafi pa lyi.
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  #39  
Old 15th January 2016
kavitakhullar kavitakhullar is offline
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update next

kamal de pekey viah c ,o tey davinder gaye c tey jagtar tey rajwant ne b jana c. jana tan seerat tey deepu ne b par aj unha da akhiri test c college ch es layi nai ja paye. savere jad deepu tey seerat college jan lagey tan rajwant ne unha nu changi tarah samjaea c k unha de pichon seerat tey deepu laran na.

"mein tan nai lardi apne putt nu samja k jayo" seerat deepu wal vekhdi apni maa nu boli

"mere b dimag nai kharab hai jo tere nal lara bas mummy tusi es nu keh deo mere tey roab na pavey tey time tey roti bana devey" deepu seerat nu tang karan lai janbuz k bolea jad k usnu pata c k aj seerat ne he kam ana kyounki pinki nu seerat he mana sakdi c aj oh rat unha de ghar rahey.

"theek hai theek hai "seerat boli pehli bar o ghar ch ekeli c , ekeli kithon deepu jo c, par usney sochea c pinki nu kahegi aj rat oh unha nal rahey. eh soch k o tyar ho k car di chavi chuk college nu nikal gai, usde pichey deepu b nikal gaya.
================
"ki gal aj pehlan he karhi udeek rahi c" seerat ne pinki wal vekhdtey keha
"tere b pata nai lagda yar late ho jawan tan lardi hai jaldi aa jawan tan lardi hai" pinki hasdi hoyi car ch beithdi boli
"nai nai mein sochea aj saj saver k kisey yar di udeek tan nai kar rahi" seerat usnu cherdi boli us nu deepu tey pinki di kahani da pata c par usney dono nu dasea nai c .
"hye ne mere koi yar kithey kash tun munda hundi tere nal yari la lendi" pinki hasdi hoyi boli

"tey fer" seerat b hasdi hoyi boli

"fer ki tera lun fudi ch le k maujan lootdi" pinki beshram ho k boli

"hye ne eni aag lagi hai teri fudi ch" seerat us wal vekhdi boli

"ki dasan yar pata nai kadon mera viah hovega , uff ungal le le k thak gai haan"

"oh ho" seerat hasdi hoyi boli usda dil kita pinki nu keh deve deepu da le ley par kuch soch k chup rahi o apne bhara barey es tarah nahi keh sakdi c

"ki gal aj ghutwi pajami payi hai tere kabootar ghat jan kad de c college de mundean di jehri aj patt vikha vikha k hor jan kadni hai" pinki usda ubhrea jism vekh k boli
"jehdi nikaldi hai nikley menu ki" seerat hasdi hoyi boli

acha ji pinki has payi

"acha gal sun chetey hai na, aj mein ghar ch kali haan tay tun aj rat sadey ghar rehna" seerat usnu yad karwandi boli
"kyoun deepu b gaya viah tey" pinki thora udas hundi boli
"nai o nai gaya" seerat usdey muh wal vekhdi boli , deepu de na jan da sun k pinki chehrey tey ek noor aa gaya c tey seerat jandi c eh noor kyoun aya par kuch nai boli
"par ek sharat tey " pinki hasdi hoyi boli
"kehri" seerat us wal dekhdi boli
"apni fudi dikhayoungi menu" pinki usnu cherdi boli
"kyoun tere kol hai nai" seerat hasdi hoyi boli
"mere kol tan hai par kisi hor di nai vekhi" pinki us wal vekhdi boli
"kyoun usdin jad tera veera teri bhabhi nu chat tey kaudi kar ke thok riha c udon nai vekhi" seerat usnu cherdi boli
"nai yar bhabhi kaudi c es kar k nai vekhi" pinki has payi
"fer ki vekhea c" seerat usnu cherdi boli
usdi gal sun k pinki da munh sharam nal lal ho gaye tey o seerat nu chup karwandi boli " chup kar college aa gaya"

seerat ne deepu nu phone kita tey usnu sidha college ton ghar aan layi keha. tey app oh pinki nu usdey ghar de mohrey utar k apne ghar wal tur payi.

aj usnu ghar ch azadi jehi lag rahi c , es time o ekeli c. usney fresh ho k apne layi cha da ek cup banayea tey aram nal sofey tey beith k tv vekhan lag payi , usda dil nai kar riha c ajey change karan nu. us ne ghari wal vekhea us nu pata ajey deepu ne nai ana. usney angrai le k tv wal vekhea tey fer uth k rasoi ch cup rakhan chali gai andey hoye usdi nazar sheeshey ch payi tey o apne aap nu sheesey ch vekhan lag payi usdey gadrai jism te fitting wala pajami suit c , kameej da galla thora jeha neevan c jithon usdey mummeya di lakir thori jehi jhakdi c par dupatey karan nahi dikh rahi c, apney tikhey gol gol mummey vekh k ek bar tan usda hath apne aap unha tey chala gaye tey usnu halka jeha palosea, usdey muh vichon siskari nikli usney bull nu dand nal dab k apne aap nu sheeshey agey upar ton haithan tak vekhea. usdi kameej choti c tey lak ton thori jehi he haithan tak c tey uston bad usdey bhari tey jawan patt ghutwi pajami vich kasey hoye c , apne pattan nu vekh ek bar tan usnu apne aap te garur jeha hoyea, uchi lambi shoni , madmast jism di malkin c eh punjabi mutiyar.achanak usnu wahar deepu di car rukan di awaz ayi o sheeshey wal vekhdi apne aap ch boli " oh aj tan deepu b jaldi aa gaya fer kuch soch k has payi usnu pata c deepu kyoun jaldi aya , kiyounki pinki ne jo ana c. o ssheeshey mohreao hat k sofey tey beith gai tey tv vekhan lagi

deepu ne ayoundey he keha " uff vohat bhukh lagi hai seerat jaldi kuch bana de , mein change karkey aya"
usdey munh ton apne aap nu seerat sun k usnu bara changa laga nai tan o aksar usnu didi he kehanda c o us wal vekhdi boli " tun change karkey aa mein roti banadi haan bhukh tan menu b vohat lagi hai . eh kehendi hoyi o rasoi wal chali gai.

dona ne roti khadi tey deepu tv vekhan lag piya seerat bhandey chuk k rasoi wal chali gai
jad o wapas ayi tan deepu tv vekh riha c o b usdey samney beith k tv vekhan lag payi
"test kidan da hoyea" seerat ne deepu nu puchea
"vohat changa tey tera"
"mera b vohat changa hoyea tey pinki da b" seerat us wal vekhdi boli , pinki da naa sundey he deepu ek dum sida ho k us wal vekh k gallan karan lag piya , dono college dean gallan kar rahey c tey deepu usnu bar bar puchna chahunda c k pinki ne kado ana par puch nai pa riha c

to be continue ...

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  #40  
Old 15th January 2016
busty_kaur busty_kaur is offline
 
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Perfect
Keep it up
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